Who Am I?

Who Am I?

I really don’t know. At one time I’m sure I thought I knew. Is it because I’m always changing?

I am mother, wife, sister, and grandmother. I see these as part of the definition of me, but none, alone or altogether, is a compete definition of me

Who Am I? I am a woman at the threshold of my seventh decade and yet I remain a child. Occasionally, I refer to myself as an old woman. I am a grandmother, after all. My granny was definitely old at this age. But really, most of the time I feel I’m barely an adult.

I am someone comfortable with myself. I’m not afraid of or uncomfortable being alone. As an introvert, I make friends slowly and have few (too few because it’s the hardest part about having lived in seven different cities/areas in my life). I nonetheless enjoy being around people as long as I have enough time alone. The closer someone is to me the more time I’m comfortable spending with them. I’m not comfortable in crowds. I’m definitely a shy person, though a great deal less timid than I was as a child.

I like to solve problems. I am creative. I enjoy trying new things. I dabble in arts and crafts — sewing, quilting, hand and machine embroidering, drawing, painting, computer art (GIMPING), art journaling, word journaling, story writing, poem writing… Way too many things to be able to actually do them all. Hence, dabbling.

But who am I??? Even including that I am a child of God does not answer this question for me.

This song came out in 2012. The video is fun to watch (especially for me, since Eytan looks very similar to my son), but it is so not what the song is about, to me. If you really listen to (or read) the lyrics, it’s not about becoming somebody else who already exists, but about becoming a new, changed self. Change. Everything changes. Everyone changes (or probably should, at least to some degree). We can recreate ourselves.

If the point of life is creation, then why am I wasting my time looking around to discover myself, like it’s some fixed point I can find? Hmmm… if wondering who I am equals looking around to discover myself, then the point is not to worry about who I am, but to create.

I don’t really need to know who I am. I need to know that I am. I need to create.

[It’s really good sometimes to write without knowing ahead what you’re going to say. This post (above) is about half the rambling I wrote, way less than half my thoughts as I wrote. That final line is a whole new thought for me (even though I’ve been listening to this song pretty regularly since it came out).]

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