I’m in a kind of meditative mood. This title just popped into my head and immediately it had two meanings.

While away from this blog, I did some things. I never do as much of what I want to do as I think I will, though.

My sister moved in with us temporarily while she looked for and found her new home. She will probably be here another month, waiting for closing and then new flooring and painting before she moves in.

With her help I got a tall pantry cupboard moved into the storage room. This made more room in the exercise corner and is helping with organization in both the sewing studio and the storage room. I switched my cleaning/organizing focus to the studio and organizing in the storage room is partially a byproduct as I get “stuff” out of the studio. I can see my cutting table top! There’s still more to do, but I’m glad it’s happening, however slowly.

I digitized a jack-o-lantern that I had hoped would be posted here a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately, it didn’t stitch out the way it looked in the program. Because of all the other distractions around me, I managed to get the redigitizing done only yesterday. I haven’t restitched it yet, to make sure it’s right this time, so it’s not here yet. If I have a Thanksgiving design already done, my plan is to stitch that out, make adjustments, if necessary, and have it posted asap. I’ll also be stitching all the Christmas designs I have done and when they are right, I’ll post them. Hopefully, they won’t need redoing.

I worked a little bit on Iqbal’s quilt, and spent one evening doing some random freestyle hand embroidery, but I haven’t done nearly as much hand stitching as I’d like. I don’t understand why, even though hand stitching is my favorite, it always seems to fall lowest in priority of what I actually do.

This week I printed and punched my Kathy Shaw stencils (from her book) and hope to do some crazy quilt embroidery. (At least a little bit.)

I also worked on the never ending machine embroidery files. I think I have the most messed up (from the crash) collection about 90% done. Having all of them done by 12/31/’20 is looking feasible. After that, it will be only a relatively quick weekly update (because I’m still a design-oholic and continue to collect free designs and still belong to a couple of design clubs).

I also seem to while away more time than I’d like to admit. There are so-o-o-o-o-o-o many things I’d like to do, but mostly I just plan and think about doing them. I have a short short story all but written in my head. There are also at least a half dozen fabric collages/quilts in my studio journal and as many other quilts actually started. Even journal writing gets only half done–certainly not daily.

Sometimes I really hate having ADD. I’d like to say it isn’t real, or that I don’t have it. Everyone tells me to make lists, but I have lists out the wazoo. I know what to do. What I haven’t figured out is how not to be distracted. They don’t make blinders for people with ADD/ADHD. Breaking things down to their smallest components helps a little bit, but distractions still arise and it really is no help with doing creative things. For that, just getting started is a help, but again, distractions happen. Some non-creative things are such boring chores, that just getting past the distractions to start is hard, especially when the distractions are other things that need to be done (even if less urgently), or something I’ve previously put off to get something else done (like a blog post).

When I look back, I can see that I used to be better at this and it’s frustrating not to be now. Part of it is the change from external pressures to being mostly self directed. I’m not very good at directing others, let alone myself. I have to catch and stop myself from saying I’m lazy, or can’t do whatever, or am hopeless. None of those is really true.

Another reason it’s harder, is the fatigue that’s been getting worse for the past 10 years. I’m slowly learning when to push through the fatigue and when to give in to it (rest). I certainly haven’t perfected that, though. I’d like to know what/why it is, but something tells me that knowing won’t provide a cure, or way to make it go away.

Whatever the causes, I still have to face the fact that ADD is a definite presence in my life. If I could ignore it, I suspect that would mean I don’t have it. I wish.

The meditative mood dissipated. For the most part, anyway. I could go back and reread Jude‘s last few posts, since they’re what drew it out. But I think I’ll actually read more of Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson. I just started this afternoon and she’s hysterically funny. By page 25 (where I am) I already know that some of what she’s talking about can be applied to ADD and mild anxiety/depression as to severe anxiety/depression. And she’s so funny! Gotta love someone who can bring such a huge dose of humor to such seriously unpleasant issues.